Me and my daddy
"He is the first man who appear in my life. He is my man, he is my everything.
I miss him so dearly.

I always love him more than I love my mom. He is always the one I respect, and never fight back every word he says. He seldom scolds me, seldom hits me.
He will always get me what I want, treat me like his little princess.
Although I always cry because I fight with my brother and my mom scolds me, but he will always be the one who cheer me up.
I always feel that my mom don’t like me, and the one who love me most is him.

There is once when I fight with my friends in the school, I cried, and I called him.
He come to my school straight away, and see how am I.
He came all the way, just to make me feel better.

Being the very forgetful me, I always forget to buy my things which I need.
When I remember, it will be at night already, and he will be sleeping.
I will stand beside his bed, walk up and down, up and down, and think of a way to wake him up. I am very afraid that he might get angry because he is sleeping.
But he will never get angry at me, and fetch me to buy my things.

I remember the day that my mom tell me he has cancer, a serious one.
I was just 11 at that time, what can I do to actually help him??
I couldn’t do anything for him. I see him suffer.
He gets so thin and weak, and I almost cry everyday.
He vomits every time he eats his medicine. I can see that he is really in a lot of pain.
He is send to the hospital, because he is unconscious.
When I reach the hospital, I heard him screaming when the doctor inject him, and I cry uncontrollably. I couldn’t see him suffer. I couldn’t take the pain anymore.
It is so hard for me. So hard..

I remember that night, I don’t know why there are so many relatives in my house.
I woke up, to see what is happening.
My dad is unconscious again, and stand beside him, holding his hand so tight.
I keep on calling him, but he didn’t respond. I don’t know whether he know I am there or not. I saw his tears flow from his eyes. I keep on calling him, but he didn’t look at me.

The next day when I woke up, I saw the furnitures is all moved away. I keep on asking what is happening, and no one answer me. And then my grandma told me that he is gone. My dad is gone. He is gone forever. I keep on crying and crying and crying non stop. I saw him lying down in the coffin, my heart really break.
I always feel that he will recover someday, but no.
I always blame the god, and blame him. Why must he leave me behind, why don’t he stay with us. But I know, he don’t have a choice.

I don’t dream of him that often, although I want to.
But I can never forget these two dreams. I remember in my dream, he came back to see us. But after a while, I saw him wearing his socks. I know that he want to go, he want to leave me again. I ask him, but he say no. I know he is lying. I beg him to stay, but he is gone. And when I woke up, I am crying like hell..

And the other one, just recently, in my dream, I saw someone who look alike like him. Almost the same. I ask him if he were my dad, he say no. I keep on asking and asking, and I stick to that uncle. I know I am being very silly. Actually, I always think that someday, I will sure meet someone who looks like him.

He is gone for 7 years now, exactly 7 years. The date I will never forget.
I still love him with all my heart. Daddy, you are the best.."

My heart broke as i was reading this post through somebody's blog. Brings us realize how gracious is God to be still preserving our love ones. Let us continue to pray for God have mercy on those who are still outside of his Kingdom.