Goodbye

For a year i've waited... for an answer. A firm answer, whether to continue to hold on or to let go. And thank God for finally giving me a confirmation for that answer. Not an answer i would want to get, but at least i know where my stand is.

Maybe i've placed too high hopes on humans again, which in the end disappointed me. Well, who doesn't? We always hope that someone will just understand us and know what is inside our hearts, without saying a word. And we will always hope for a miracle that someone will change just the way we want them to be. But how often does it succeed?

I'm a slow learner. I wonder when will i start to apply the lessons in life that i have gone through so that i will never make the same mistake again. Like it or not, i just found out that i can lie to myself so easily so that i can give myself a good excuse just to continue to hope for the best, even though i know it will never come to past.

If there is only a reason that i should wait, even though i have more reasons than that, it is how much you loved God. But if this is what you cannot fulfill, then i see no reason to hold on and i feel that i should let go. There i go again, giving myself thousand and one excuses that you have your own reasons to do so even as i write. I hate to say this, but i have to confess: God is not in the highest place in your heart.

Dear friend, i still love you no matter what. But you should examine yourself again. Nothing comes before God and nothing can ever be more important than God in your life. This is for your own good. Take care.